


Just Get Married Already

by sniperscythes



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-04-01 00:06:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3998350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sniperscythes/pseuds/sniperscythes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at the history of Grif and Simmons, aka 'Just get married already!'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Get Married Already

**Author's Note:**

> Some events have been changed slightly, to suit the story. I know the fight vs. the Texas suits did not go like that. Please let me know what you think!

“Grif! Grif! Goddammit man, get over here!” Sarge’s voice rang out across the canyon. The orange armoured man was nowhere to be seen, however, having managed to avoid his entire team. “Come on, you lazy boy, I need to get some target practice done, and I’m all out of targets! Grif!” All he received in response was a very irritated “Fuck off!” from Church, followed swiftly by a “He’s probably making out with Simmons or something, dude, relax.” from Tucker. The red armoured man sighed and shook his head. He could always use Donut, he supposed.

 

In a cave, up on the hill side, Grif and Simmons sat and giggled to each other. 

“Do you think Sarge’ll ever figure out where we go?” Grif asked. Simmons snorted. “As if. He shot a door just because it was push and not pull the other day.” 

“You’re awfully mean for someone who kisses ass so much.” 

“It’s tactical behaviour!”

“It’s being a fucking nerd, that’s what it is.”

“Yeah, well see who’ll be laughing when I get a promotion.” Simmons folded his arms and smirked. Grif simply laughed.

“Dude, no promotion is worth the humiliation you put yourself through on a daily basis. Plus, we’re in a fucking canyon, who the fuck is gonna promote us out here?” Simmons sighed in annoyance.

“I don’t know why I put up with you, Grif.”

“Sure you do, Dickie. It’s cause you loooove me.”

“Don’t call me that!”

—

 

“There is no fucking way this can be happening right now.” Grif stared at the room full of Texas suits.

“Yeah, well it is. Suck it up.” Carolina stalked past aggressively, adopting a fighting stance. Church flickered into view by her side. 

“C’mon Carolina, think about it-“

“I don’t need to think about it. I just need to win.” With that, she sped forward, meeting the first of many Texas’ in the air. 

 

“Well. Guess this is how my day’s going.” Grif grumbled, begrudgingly following the other Reds and Blues into the fray. Their all-round defence worked, up until one of the suits came crashing into him. Before he knew it, he was held fast by one of the black armoured bodies, and had another heading straight towards his face. Even if he could move his arms, his gun had been tossed way out of reach, and the fist flying towards his face seemed more and more likely to kill him. He had time to register a yell - unsure whether it was him or not - before a mass of red had him tumbling to the floor. Both Texas suits were motionless, and on top of him was a, very familiar, groaning suit of red. 

“Simmons?! What the fuck, man? Get off me!” Grif shoved him off, although somewhat gently. “Dude, you ok? Did the crazy suit of armour break your neck?” Grif was getting more and more worried as Simmons didn’t respond. “DUDE. ARE. YOU. OH. KAY?” The red armoured man mustered the energy to flap an arm in front of his helmet.

“Shut up, Grif, you’re too loud. My neck’s fine, but I probably cracked a rib or something.”

“Oh thank God. I didn’t wanna have to explain to Sarge why I was now second in command.”

“That’s probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Shut up, asshole. Is the fight over?”

Grif looked around. “Yeah, pretty much. Suits probably thought we were dead.” Both men were silent for a moment.

“So, um, I’m glad you’re okay. And, uh, thanks for saving my life and that.” Grif mumbled. A snort of laughter burst out from behind him

“Oh my _god_ , that was gay, even for you two.” Tucker buried his head in his hands. “Just fuckin’ get married already, jeez.”

“Oh fuck you dude, how would you know neither of us is married already?” Grif sniped back.

“No way, dude. I have a son, there’s no way that's possible.”

“How is that in any way related?!”

“It totally is, you just don’t get it. You’re not fathers. Anyway, we gotta move. Get your asses up or we’re leaving you here.” Tucker turned back towards the rest of the soldiers. Grif turned back to look down at Simmons.

“Right, up you get.” Even as he yanked Simmons to his feet, there was a fondness in his tone.

 

—

 

“No. No, no, no. Noooooo. No. No way.” Grif retreated further and further into the armoury, pursued by a menacing group of soldiers.

“Captain Grif, we are extremely prepared to use any force necessary. You will come to training, or we will take away and hide anything you might hold dear.” Lieutenant Andersmith spoke in a serious tone, staring down the orange-armoured soldier.

“Yeah? Like what, huh?!” Grif’s voice squeaked, already running through a list of items.

“Well, we could blackball you from the canteen. We can take away your, ahem, collection.” Grif shuddered at the thought.

 “Or, we saw some lovely little trinkets in your room.” Another soldier said. “There’s a nice necklace, from a ‘Sister’ - do you know a nun or something? - and a very nice red ring-“ Grif went still. The soldier continued to talk, unaware of the thick tension suddenly engulfing the room.

“-and there’s a really sweet br-“ “Okay. I’ll do training.” The soldiers paused, looking at each other in confusion. Was it really that easy - threaten his personal belongings? They shrugged amongst themselves; whatever worked, worked. They turned back, ready to return to their usual lightheartedness, only to have an angry orange-armoured man push past them and storm off.

 

Grif came to training, but didn’t speak to any of them for a solid week.

 

 

—

 

“Hey, Grif, Grif. Griiiiiiif. Hey, asshole!” Epsilon shouted across the base to Grif. Tucker stood next to him, arms folded.

“Oh, uh, hey. Carolina let you have Church then?”

“Dude, what the fuck, I’m right here. And no-one _let_ anyone else have me, I’m a fucking free being.” Church griped.

“Shut up dude, you’re a microchip. I drop you in water and you’re gone.”

“Tucker, I’m not a goddamn toaster, that’s not how it works.” Grif groaned, slumping against the wall.

“guys, what do you want?” Tucker jumped in surprise. “Oh, yeah! We wanted to ask you if you’d seen Simmons around.”

“Why would I know where Simmons is? I’m not his fuckin' keeper.”

“But you guys are like, practically husbands. I think half the base has bets on when you’ll bang.” Grif looked bewildered.

“Fuck, really? What do people think?” He wondered. Church replied, “Well, some are holding out till after whenever this big showdown with Locus and Felix will be, but it’s a real variety of guesses to be honest.” Grif started to laugh, doubling over in hysterics as he saw the other man in question round the corner.

“Oh man, I gotta tell Simmons! Simmons, hey, Simmons!” Simmons looked over, head tilted in confusion, with his helmet tucked under his arm.

“Dude, they’ve got bets on when we’ll bang going on!” Grif clutched his side, wheezing. Simmons rolled his eyes at the Hawaiian man. 

“Why is this always so funny for you, Grif? We get this everywhere we go.” He sighed, yanking Grif back to his feet. Grif had pulled off his helmet, and was leaning onto Simmons as the last bits of laughter faded.

Tucker and Church were just frozen in confusion.

“...Why is that so funny?” Tucker asked. Church looked equally confounded. Simmons simply shrugged.

“It’s a long running thing. People are always asking when we’re gonna get married, or when we’re gonna bang. It was a bit weird at first, but Grif just finds it funny at this point. Oh, speaking of which, Grif, you can totally get seconds in the canteen today. My treat.”

“You, dude, are a godsend. I will love you. For ever. Seriously.” Grif clutched Simmon’s hand in exaggerated adoration.”C’mon, I need to show you the extent of my love. I’ll even let you talk nerd to me about computers or some shit.” With that, he began to pull Simmons along behind him, away towards the armoury.

“You’d better love me, I haven’t put up with you for twelve years for nothing, dickhead.” Grif laughed, before suddenly stopping and turning back towards the speechless Tucker and Epsilon.

“You probably should tell all the betters to cancel their guesses; I can guarantee none of ‘em will be right.” He said, smirking.

“What the fuck does that mean?!” Epsilon had no idea what was happening, and didn’t like it. Tucker gasped, all of a sudden, and pointed directly at the pair.

“Hold up! Are you guys fuckin' married already?!” They laughed.

“No shit, dumbass. Only took you twelve years to notice.” With that, Grif swung his arm over Simmons’ shoulder, and they headed off laughing, leaving two dumbfounded blue-armoured soldiers behind. Tucker groaned.

“Fuck. I owe Lopez like, fifty bucks.”

**Author's Note:**

> prompt me at sniperscythes.tumblr.com


End file.
